mccullochblog

The Mysterious Tale of the Disappearance of Secret Undercover Neighborhood Watch Boy

A while back, I offered to tell you the story of secret under-cover neighborhood watch boy, but within days of making that offer, a very strange thing happened: he disappeared.

I swear that until I typed those words, secret under-cover neighborhood watch boy had circled the block and passed our house with the regularity of one of those "on-a-loop" cars that eventually made Jim Carrey's character in the Truman Show suspect he was living in a TV-created bubble.

If he had been undercover, as I always suspected, he certainly wasn't inconspicuous. Secret Under-Cover Neighborhood Watch Boy (let's call him "Neil") was probably aged around 25. He rode a BMX bike that was far too small for him (I estimate he weighed 180 lbs), and he always rode it on the sidewalk.

If that wasn't conspicuous enough, he had a haircut like Mickey Dolenz of the Monkeys (see picture) and often wore over-sized sunglasses...like the ones Paris Hilton made popular the second time around.

The odd thing is, he disappeared at the same time as we heard the big fight somewhere in the houses behind us at around midnight one night. Screaming. Fighting. Broken Glass. (Me, trying to find a number for San Mateo police). Police Sirens (Not summoned by me). And then he was gone.

Mike down the street said a whole family had to leave because the landlord didn't want them fighting in his house. One can only assume that Neil was part of the family.

Or was he? Perhaps "Neil" was simply rumbled, and so the people who spy on our house had to send someone else around!

What else would explain the almost simultaneous appearance of "The Man Who Takes His Mother For A Walk Every Evening"?

Now, understand that I choose these words carefully. The man (aged about 40, usually texting on his phone as he walks) does not walk with his aged mother. Oh no. he walks about 20 feet in front of her. Always. Never behind. Never alongside. Always 20 feet in front.

And now he and his mother (trussed up in a big overcoat, taking little steps at a pace fast enough to keep up with her much taller 'son') seem to be on the exact same loop that "Neil" used to be on. Every evening. Without fail. He takes her for a walk.

As Mr Cobain once said: "Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not watching you."

Come around and do a stake-out in my study if you don't believe me!

What's in a name?

"Well, you obviously wouldn't be calling it Ronald if it's a boy, would you?" offered one of my team at work when the subject of my impending parenthood, and the choice of names, came up on Friday.

"Why not?" said I.

"Well," came the reply with a laugh, "you know, Ronald McDonald!".

There was a moment of mild shock and silence when I explained that Ronald was my brother's name, and that in 1967 the marketing clown with the red hair and golden arches on his uniform was unknown to Scottish and Dutch households. (See the first McDonald's in the UK if you don't believe me!)

"Andrew's a good name" offered Andrew, over dinner last night.

"What about Paige?" replied Paige, "It can be a boy's name OR a girl's name if you drop the 'i'!"

"What about Schuyler?" inquired Emma a few days prior, her nose in the pages of a book called "10,000 baby names" searching for a name with a hint of Dutch to it.

"I think that translates as 'shelterer' in Dutch" said I, nonplussed. It reminded me of another name that sounded promising "Aleen"...until I switched on the Dutch part of my brain and remembered it meant 'Alone' or 'Lonely'.

Given we have a few months to go - and that many brains make light work - I think it's only fair I invite you to share your ideas for the names of boys or girls.

We will be finding out the sex (and possibly disclosing it here) by December, so if you come up with a really good name, we might just choose it!

Come on then! Give us your names, with an explanation of why you're suggesting them, please.

Awe and Wonder.

I could spend the next couple of hours trying to find the right words to describe the fantastical blend of exhileration, joy, trepidation and excitement I felt when I first saw my child's tiny heart beating rapidly on the machine that produced this little picture....but I'm not sure the words exist, do they?

I think the best words I can manage for now are probably 'Awe' and 'Wonder'.  If any experience in this world is more steeped in Awe and Wonder than the creation of a new life, I've yet to experience it!

Oh, and 'goofy smiles'...those are two more good words for now!

Emma and I look forward to introducing you to our little one in April 2009!

(p.s. Emma is always better with words than me when it comes to matters of the heart, so go check out her blog!)